The 80% Rule of Thumb

It seems to be a drive in human nature that we want ONE answer, or one solution for one problem.  If A, then B.  If X happens, do Y.  We Google "the best SUV at this price" or "the perfect vacation destination" or "how to get rid of an ant infestation", and these days Al is eager to oblige, summarizing all the vast data at its neural tendrils, to give us THE answer.  And our eyes zero in on the top match, and too often we forge on ahead. 

Or, we might turn to advice columns, educational materials, parenting manuals, self-help books, tips from other educators or parents or relatives or childhood experts, and so forth, that purport to boil down the accumulated wisdom of the ages, or of science, into a straightforward list of directives on how to act, how to teach, how to parent.

Deep down, we know it is not that easy.  Humans are complex, children are complex, families are complex, and life is complex, with more choices than ever. 

But still we are drawn to the notion that THE answer is out there.  That there is a set of steps or rules we can follow that will make everything magically fall into place and lead us where we want to go.

Sometimes we follow the advice because it comes from an expert or seems to make sense. Sometimes we are overwhelmed by the options and need help choosing between them. Sometimes we are utterly lost and have no idea where to even begin solving the problem or answering the question ourselves.  Sometimes we just hope someone out there knows more than we do and can make the right choice for us. 

And, fortunately, there is a lot of good advice out there, founded on experience, logic, and/or data.

But it is always important to remember that even the best advice is not one-size-fits-all, especially with children and families. 

As a frame of reference from the health domain, I once read a study that, on average, medications and treatments work for 80% of patients.  80%. That means that, for 20% - for 1 out of every 5 patients - that medication either does nothing or might even cause harm.  That does not mean that that medication should not be prescribed.  It helps a lot of people.  Just that it should be prescribed, and taken, with caution, and later discontinued or adjusted if necessary.  

That study really helped me develop a sense of perspective when it comes to giving and following advice about the children I work with.  I think adopting an "80% rule-of-thumb" mentality is a great way to approach advice. 

And I think it is especially valuable when applied to children who are either gifted or struggling with learning or social/emotional disorders.  By definition, these kids fall outside "the norm".  They are not average , and their experiences are very often not typical.  Therefore, we should always be careful about trying to squeeze these square pegs into round holes.

Some examples include:

"Children need 8 to 12 hours of sleep a night."  That advice/rule is repeated everywhere, and it is well-documented and supported by pediatricians and early childhood experts. It is true and healthy for most children.  But... parents of gifted children routinely report that their children often exhibit different sleeping patterns, including needing less sleep than other children or having different diurnal cycles than other people.  I myself have been a night owl since the womb, despite decades of trying to change my innate patterns.  My high school teacher reported that her son never slept more than about 4 hours a night but seemed rested and functioned perfectly fine.  

"Students need silence to study." Many do. But... some students with ADHD actually study better with music or TV in the background.

"Repetition is key to learning." Practice is valuable for most students.  But, gifted students often pick up a skill or understand a concept immeidately and have great memories, so they don't really need intensive drill.

So, in summary, adopting an 80% rule-of-thumb perspective can be an important way of evaluating the influx of advice that often seem to come to us.  

Please note:  A couple of the pictures were generated by AI but all of the text and ideas contained herein were generated solely by me.