When to Use Rewards with Gifted Children

Published by Alicia Paige Frecker on December 9th, 2025

When Should You Use Rewards to Motivate Gifted Children?

Just a couple thoughts on a topic I was discussing with a parent recently. When is it beneficial to use external rewards (or "reinforcers") with gifted children? The answer is tied to motivation.

External vs Internal Rewards

External or extrinsic rewards are any incentives given to you by another person or agency (e.g., a school), often with the intention of encouraging you to continue or increase a desired behavior. External rewards can be tangible (money, toys, etc.) or intangible (praise, time at a favored activity like video games). Examples of external rewards mights be a parent giving their child $10 for every A on the report card or 10 minutes of video game access for every chore completed. The intention might be to acknowledge past hard work but it is very likely also intended to motivate the child to keep studying or completing chores in the future.

The opposite might be called internal or intrinsic rewards or reinforcers. These refer to positive feelings or benefits that naturally accompany or stem from your behaviors. An example might be practicing the piano as a hobby. When your practice results in increased musical skill, it likely brings you both the sensory pleasure of listening to music and a sense of accomplishment, mastery, and creative satisfaction or fulfillment. You will likely be motivated to repeat or continue intrinsically rewarding behaviors in the hopes that they will again generate those positive feelings or benefits.

In real life, many times our actions bring us both internal and external rewards. If you lose weight on a diet and exercise program, for instance, you will likely feel better and have more energy (internal rewards) while you might also receive compliments from other people on your new appearance or stamina (external rewards).

So, when should external rewards be used to motivate children, in particular gifted children? There is a lot of research on motivation that can help guide these decisions.

Guidelines and Cautions on Using Rewards for Motivating Children

In general, external incentives (money, toys, play time) can sometimes be appropriate and effective ways of encouraging your children to do activities that they do not find naturally appealing or enjoyable, such as household chores. An example might be a weekly allowance for making their bed or doing the dishes.

Where caution must be applied is when offering your children external rewards for things they already enjoy doing, things, in other words, that already bring them internal rewards.

In the case of gifted children, it is wise to be especially cautious about giving them external rewards for learning or school work.

Gifted children are characterized not only by an aptitude for learning but also by a passion and delight in it. In supportive settings, gifted children truly love to learn. They do not need other incentives because learning is its own reward, offering them the internal reinforcers of excitement, challenge, wonder, a sense of mastery, etc.

a smiling girl and boy in class — happy children in class

Unfortunately, however, it has been found that the internal rewards of doing something can be diminished if external rewards are later offered. This is particularly true if the external rewards are significant but can happen even if they are small. So, if you offer your gifted children external incentives for learning, there is a danger that your children will become focused on them, to the point where the allure of the external rewards can overshadow or even supplant the innate satisfaction that learning used to bring.

For instance, many gifted children love to read. They can "devour" stacks of books, sneakily stay up late reading, become passionate about a given series or topic, etc. But, if you now offer them $5 for every book they finish, they might very well stop savoring the stories or analyzing the material and rush through as many books as possible to get more money. They might pick out very short or easy books just to attain the next payout more quickly. They lose the pure joy of reading for its own sake.

Therefore, be very cautious about externally rewarding your children for an activity that they already innately enjoy, because you might accidentally rob them of that enjoyment.

Another potential drawback of external rewards is that they can create a never-ending cycle of demands wherein children expect constant rewards and may be unwilling to work as hard if they do not get them.

The impact of external rewards can also lessen over time. Ten extra minutes of video game time is thrilling the first time it is offered but may seem ho-hum and not as motivating the 30th time it is offered. As time goes on, you might have to provide bigger and bigger incentives to elicit the same level of effort from them.

Praise and Attention as Rewards

Intangible rewards such as praise and attention can be good alternatives to motivate your children, as they boost self-esteem and strengthen family relationships. However, they should also be used judiciously, as excessive over-praising can inadvertently lead to people-pleasing behavior or a narcissistic dependence on outside validation for a sense of self-worth. Some children can become "praise junkies" who only feel satisfied and happy when someone else acknowledges their accomplishments and who feel disappointed or lacking if they don't get praised every single time. To be clear, praise and attention are wonderful things, and important to self-esteem and emotional security. You just have to take care not to let the desire for them overshadow your child's innate joy of learning (or of playing the piano or catching the ball). A simple, "Good job," or, "I'm proud of all your hard work," and a hug can be used anytime, with a bigger fanfare made over bigger accomplishments and milestones.

Finally, anecdotally, I find that parents of a gifted only child rarely offer tangible external rewards for learning because they usually do not need to. The issue most often arises if there is a sibling who struggles academically and the parents are trying to motivate that child to persist or work harder. It seems "unfair" to offer one child external rewards and not the other so you might be tempted to offer the same "deal" to both children. Or maybe your child hears about a friend or cousin who gets money or play time for good grades and wonders why they do not. A possible solution would be to explicitly link external rewards to *extra* effort, time, or frustration and explain to your gifted child that external rewards are only for tasks that they really struggle with or find very unpleasant. Talk with your child about what chores they dislike the most, for instance.

boy with head on desk — frustrated child

The issue of motivation might also sometimes arise with gifted children whose abilities are uneven. For instance, they excel at math and reading with little exertion but struggle with writing. Or gifted children might resist the rote busy work of reviewing skills they have already mastered. Many gifted children find review exercises tedious and do not see "the point". I might suggest first trying to motivate or persuade your child by demonstrating the value of practice and of learning to overcome obstacles. However, if such tactics do not work, a similar solution as above could apply here, wherein you acknowledge that this one area requires extra effort and time or causes intense frustration and so perhaps merits different treatment.

In all, because of the factors discussed above, external rewards should be used cautiously and sparingly with gifted children in order to protect their innate love of learning and the inherent satisfaction of meeting high academic standards (getting great grades).